Day 1 Lockdown – More manic than ever!
An eerie feeling crept over me on Monday morning, knowing that all my now ex-colleagues would be heading into work. I was one of the 5 million self-employed, advised to stay at home. Domestic jobs popped into my mind like a bingo caller, no.33 clean the kitchen, no.47 clear out food cupboards, no.51 bring in rubbish bins, no. 78 re-check the employment agency website…etc.
Part of this felt like a gift: an opportunity to do so many jobs that in any typical week would have just been endlessly postponed. Part of me also knew that by keeping busy, I perhaps could avoid looking reality square in the eye – my over 70 parents perhaps getting Covid-19, even some of my friends have underlying conditions.
By mid-afternoon, I began to feel a familiar sense of ‘manic-ness’. Moving from one job to the next, to the next. Getting quicker and quicker and my mind also lining up more and more jobs to be done. There seemed to be comfort in this familiarity. Fortunately, my body brought me back to my senses. My weak back said ‘enough’ and started complaining, so I stopped (I recognise and respect this signal!) because the consequences of not doing so are too painful. After 20 mins mindfulness practice, it seemed like a new day. The ‘manic-ness’ that had consumed me, had gone. My jobs list was no longer a ‘must do’ list… and I noticed what a beautiful day it was outside.