Day 3 Lockdown – Feeling like a criminal!
What will I say if they stop me?… I have no paperwork, not even a letterhead I can show them!… I know it is right, so why does it feel wrong?
These were all thoughts swirling in my mind as I prepared to head out for an ‘interview’ in a neighbouring town for an agency job working on a production line making hand-sanitizer amongst other beauty products. I knew I was allowed to go in line with current regulations, but it did not stop me feeling judged!
On my journey, lots of white vans – ‘keeping us all going’. Dog-walkers enjoying the sunshine – ‘who can blame them, dogs don’t understand infections.’ Empty bus goes by – ‘people are heeding the message’. It dawned on me, that in every thought was a hidden judgement! I had become part of the very mindset that I had feared would judge me before stepping out of the house.
The smile I received when arriving at the agency office softened it all in an instant. Our unusual dance of me and my interviewer taking our steps in time together 1m either side of an open door. A holding up of an open passport, a dropping of paperwork on an unoccupied chair, the pause and then the pick-up, the smiles and waves goodbye. The simple power of human connection to completely change the emotional landscape always makes me smile. All my self-judgement and judgment of others replaced by kindness and compassion that filled my mind in the car on the journey home.