Memories in the rear-view mirror may appear closer than they are.

by | Dec 5, 2020 | Uncategorised

‘Dream… 2,3,4,5,8… on a double word score – that’s 16 points.’

Friday nights in tier 2 now mean Scrabble – rock and roll!

Well, almost, we do have vintage Tops of the Pops running on the iPlayer in the background. Blue jeans, red jumper, big mop of hair… The Wedding Present my partner gets excited, it’s her type of music.

‘Why do I always get a ‘Q’, when I don’t have a ‘U’!’

‘It’s been 7 hours and 15 days…’ the words fall over the never-ending opening synthesizer chord.

My jaw clenches… I feel the blood drain from my face… my body seems somehow paralysed… my eyes widened, staring… breath silenced.

I see her smile… her eyes… the sleeves of her jumper… that she always pulled down over her hands… my name plastered in her handwriting on every book… the smell of her hairspray. I am frozen in time, transfixed by the memory of this failed teenage relationship.

Release… I feel the air come out of my lungs… I bring my awareness to the back of my legs and my bottom on the chair… my feet on the floor, toes, arches, heels… I release my eyes to wander around the room… this inbreath… this outbreath… breathe… my shoulders, neck and jaw soften… the tension drains away… I am back.

Sinead O’Connor, not her fault, she just happened to be No. 1 at the time… the event and song welded together for eternity in my memory. Uninvited, as ever, her song appears, like it has done so many times over the past 30 years. Every time, in an instant I am whisked away… no choice… gone… as if it was yesterday: memories in my rear-view mirror may appear closer than they are.

My 30-second grounding exercise: breathe… legs and bottom in contact with the chair… feet on the floor… eyes take in surroundings… keep breathing… soften the muscles… let go… and I am back.

Thank you, mindfulness…


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